i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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