Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
