Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize