the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
