He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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