We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
