I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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