We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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