I think I am morally bankrupt
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize