Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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