Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
