By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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