Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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