she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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