Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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