i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He passed out mid-signature
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
