So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
