A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
