I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
