i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm too high and old for this...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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