I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize