I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
