How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
