What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
