is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
