I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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