No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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