I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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