my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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