I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
