he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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