just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
