I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
