I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
