i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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