So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
