She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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