I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
