So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize