apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
