So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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