a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
