she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
