just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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