i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
