Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
