wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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