highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
