I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
only you would photoshop your dick
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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