Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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