Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
