life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
