Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
