Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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