Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
