How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Actions speak louder than pants.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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