If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
