Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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