I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
