I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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