The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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