Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
