is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
