I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
